5 posts tagged “stupid”

Just a quick tip for the dick-head who delivers my mail:

If there is a lock on a mail-box there is a reason. It's usually because someone has been nicking stuff. Therefore folding a parcel, shoving it into the opening and leaving it half hanging out rather defeats the purpose of having the lock in the first place.

That's why they have parcel delivery notices. So you have an option for parcels that cannot be left in the mailbox. It's a little blue card that tells the householder that they need to go to the parcel depot to pick an item up. I know that you're aware of these things because you left one for another parcel at the same time you forcibly shoved the other item half into my mail-box.

And most importantly, if you need to bend the parcel to fit it in and it doesn't bend DON'T FORCE THE FUCKING THING. The DVD I ordered online is now utterly useless as the entire package with the DVD inside was bent in half you fucking moron.

Seriously. Are they now hiring out of the sheltered workshop? How fucking dumb do you have to be to break a package to force it into a mailbox and think you're doing your job adequately?

I've tried Second Life twice now and both times I got frustrated, swore a lot and had to go out and get very drunk to take the nasty memories away.

I first downloaded Second Life at the start of the year. To say it's a disappointment really doesn't begin to cover it. The first time my avatar wouldn't show up at all on my screen. I could move around, I could do stuff, but I couldn't actually see my little person. I thought I might be invisible, but checking the problem out on the web it seemed more likely that it was a bug caused by the type of video card I was using. So while I couldn't see myself, everyone else could. I figured I'd better make sure I looked presentable, for the rest of the world if not for me. The problem was that to change your appearance you have to right-click on your avatar. Great. No avatar, no right-click, no change of appearance. So I gave up.

I just checked it out again today and there was a new build available. I figured it might have fixed the old bug, so I downloaded it. Guess what - it did! I could now see my avatar... the new problem being that my avatar was butt naked. Now, I know it was a while ago when I first started but I distinctly remember choosing the cybergoth girl avatar. She definitely had clothes. Instead I was a dark-skinned brunette as naked as the day her little pixels were born. After half an hour of clicking stuff randomly I discovered I don't own any clothes at all. No problem. I'll go to the nearest island and pick some up. It seemed I materialised at the bottom of the ocean in a ditch, as you do, so I flew to the closest place which turned out to be Help Island (the place I finished at last time when I was fruitlessly seeking help). So I start wandering around. No clothes to be found, however I did find a nice big friendly sign reminding me that it was a PG area so I had to be clothed.

Thanks a f*ckin' lot folks. I go to Help Island to get help on why I'm naked, only to be told that I shouldn't be naked on Help Island.

What's more I still can't change my appearance. Right clicking my avatar brings up the option of appearance, but when I right click it no menu comes up.

My first life is pointless enough I don't think I need a second one which is lifted right out of the pages of Catch-22. If anyone has any suggestions on how to fix this mess please let me know! I would like to use Second Life, but not if I have to creep around naked all the time. I like to leave that in my real life, thank-you very much.

... Or perhaps the 'Slightly Darker Than Before' Side. Yep. After bleaching my hair and starting a diet, my path to complete bimbo-hood has gone to the next level:

Fake tan.

Oompa Loompa or David Dickinson?

I'm not talking that hideous orange shade that all models in the UK seem to magically transform into once they marry a footballer. I'm not talking about Oompa-Loompa or David Dickinson orange either. It's a very subtle tan, but a fake one nonetheless. There are a few ways I justified it to myself. I figured a little bit of colour would make me look slightly less ill when Summer came along. I thought that my legs would look more slender with a slight tan. And I thought it would be a great way to even out my skin tone.

How wrong I was on all counts!

My skin, which was originally patchy and pale (pretty yuck) is now patchy and slightly darker (just as yuck). My legs look streaky and weird, drawing more attention to them than any cellulite ever did (and, let's be honest, it's the fat that makes my legs look fat - not their colour). And far from looking healthy I look like the only tropical island I belong on is one housing a leper colony.

If anything it's not the fake tan which has confirmed my bimbo-ness, it's the fact I was stupid enough to try a fake tan. Roll on next Winter, and until then pass me the burkha and sun-block!

I can't believe this:

Vegemite now a banned substance in the USA

I like to visit this site in preparation for joining the Working World (or as I like to call it 'The Land of the Undead'). Because while the customer may always be right, he or she is usually also dim, opinionated, uneducated, misinformed and above all incredibly painful.

Clientcopia: Stupid Client Quotes